Should I build a concrete wall around me to protect myself? Or should I place a flexible, pliable, and supple wall around me that helps create balance from the outside demands of others? When do I say “yes” and when do I say “no”? When does self indulgence become narcissism instead of simply just self care?
Well, I believe balance comes into play when setting healthy boundaries. For example, as a mother, I need to balance spending time with my child, taking care of my own needs, nurturing friendships, and working so I am able to support my family. It is very tricky, because if I just spend too much time at work, I could neglect my son and friendships and housework. If I socialize too much or spend too much time away from the home, my son and home could suffer. It is a constant balancing act, constantly getting back on track, and prioritize what is important and not important.
Demands from work, relatives, and friends can ultimately get us off course and we can end up neglecting our own lives to take care of or rescue others. This ultimately is a recipe for disaster because resentment and anger usually comes into play when we neglect our own soul’s desires for what we need to do for ourselves !
When we say “no” rather than “yes” we can get flack from those around us who are use to us taking care of their responsibilities, feelings, and problems. When we change, others may intensify their feelings of guilt tripping or badgering us. Don’t let that become an opportunity to let that pull you back into your old ways! Stay firm and do not give the flack that much attention, it will eventually die down!
Life is not a dress rehearsal. I know many people who have sacrificed their lives doing for others and ultimately became resentful or angry towards themselves and with others. Setting boundaries is about balance. Taking care of ourselves first but in turn not neglecting our friends or family is essential. Saying “no” to others more often and saying “yes” to our souls desire will create a more fulfilling life without resentment! It is important that while taking care of ourselves we can find the balance with self care. Meanwhile, it is essential to follow our inner guidance and avoid self serving in a narcissistic way! Balance is the ultimate answer to this riddle of boundaries!
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Do I Have Power?
You need to claim the events in your life to make yourself yours.
When you truly possess all you have been and done,which may
take some time, you are fierce with reality.
-Florida Scott-Maxwell
Am I powerless over people, places, institutions, situations, and my thinking? Am I helpless around what other people do or say? Can I make the sun come out? Can I get someone to stop drinking or overeating? Can I get the government or the Catholic church to make better choices? Am I powerful enough to change my internal and external circumstances?
In general, if I want to make myself go completely insane and crazy then I need to keep focusing on trying to make other’s do and feel something they aren’t , don’t want to feel, or choose to do. This is a recipe for disaster because the more I try to control others the more uncontrollable I become.
What I am not powerless over are my own thoughts and how I respond to other’s. I can choose to think and act in ways that I want, and I am not powerless over how I act and think if I am conscious, awake, and aware.Some of my friends believe that they are victims of their thoughts, and I believe we can exercise our minds and control our thinking if we choose.We can control our thoughts with a mental diet and through discipline and practice. If it seems very difficult to direct thoughts then prayer is the most powerful tool. I ask God every morning to help guide my thoughts, actions, words and deeds.
The more I focus on what I have some power over, and leave what I am powerless over alone, the more peace and solace I have in my life.I am powerless over changing others, the weather, my height, my past, the color of the sky, the color of the sun, and that I was born with a twin sister. What I am powerful with is whether I choose to have a good day or a bad day.I have the power to pray or not pray, or to meditate or not meditate. I have a choice of whether I eat junk food or healthy food . I can choose to be proactive or reactive with outside circumstances, situations, and people. I can choose to say “yes” or “no” to things that feel comfortable or uncomfortable. I have more internal choices rather than external choices,, and if I am powerless over things that I dislike than acceptance is the answer, and the primary focus is ultimately on myself for sanity and serenity!
When you truly possess all you have been and done,which may
take some time, you are fierce with reality.
-Florida Scott-Maxwell
Am I powerless over people, places, institutions, situations, and my thinking? Am I helpless around what other people do or say? Can I make the sun come out? Can I get someone to stop drinking or overeating? Can I get the government or the Catholic church to make better choices? Am I powerful enough to change my internal and external circumstances?
In general, if I want to make myself go completely insane and crazy then I need to keep focusing on trying to make other’s do and feel something they aren’t , don’t want to feel, or choose to do. This is a recipe for disaster because the more I try to control others the more uncontrollable I become.
What I am not powerless over are my own thoughts and how I respond to other’s. I can choose to think and act in ways that I want, and I am not powerless over how I act and think if I am conscious, awake, and aware.Some of my friends believe that they are victims of their thoughts, and I believe we can exercise our minds and control our thinking if we choose.We can control our thoughts with a mental diet and through discipline and practice. If it seems very difficult to direct thoughts then prayer is the most powerful tool. I ask God every morning to help guide my thoughts, actions, words and deeds.
The more I focus on what I have some power over, and leave what I am powerless over alone, the more peace and solace I have in my life.I am powerless over changing others, the weather, my height, my past, the color of the sky, the color of the sun, and that I was born with a twin sister. What I am powerful with is whether I choose to have a good day or a bad day.I have the power to pray or not pray, or to meditate or not meditate. I have a choice of whether I eat junk food or healthy food . I can choose to be proactive or reactive with outside circumstances, situations, and people. I can choose to say “yes” or “no” to things that feel comfortable or uncomfortable. I have more internal choices rather than external choices,, and if I am powerless over things that I dislike than acceptance is the answer, and the primary focus is ultimately on myself for sanity and serenity!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
HELP!!!!! 99% is GOING WRONG!!!!!
“The really happy person is the one who can enjoy the scenery
0n a detour” -Anon.
The toilet is overflowing! My car wouldn’t start! My computer crashed! The flu just seems to be lingering! The bills, the kids, my husband, the cat, the laundry, the lawsuit....HELP!!!!! Does your life sometimes feel like it is out of control? Do you feel as if there has been a curse placed on you, or that maybe you did something horrific in your past life and it’s payback time!
Well, do not fear, because there is a remedy to your dilemma and it really works. First of all, if 99% of your life seems really pathetic and hopeless, then low and behold, you must have 1% that is going pretty good. That 1% probably doesn’t seem that important because the other 99% is glaring at you and most likely has your full attention. The trick to this helpless situation is to actively focus on the 1% that is positive, and actively ignore the thoughts and situations that may be sinking you into deep despair.
Make a list of all the 1% things that may be going right in your life. Do you have a bed to sleep on tonight? Do you have eyes to read this blog? Do you have ears to listen to music, the wind, or the rain? Do you have friends to call for support? Are your legs or arms working today? Then if you answered “yes” to any of these questions then you really have so much to be grateful for. Focus on the things that are going right and the stuff that seems like really big deals are bound to shrink!
So when you are feeling overwhelmed by “Murphy’s Law” just change your thoughts to the things that are going correct and your outcome will shock you! Thank God for the plumber! Thank God for tow trucks! Amen to the computer technician. Hallelujah for chicken noodle soup, babysitters, and an unexpected checks in the mail! Look for big and small things to become appreciative of, like your toes, cups in the kitchen cupboard, a smile from a stranger, a breeze on your face, a flower on your walk, the moon, the sun, a giggle, or a long deep inhale and exhale. I guarantee that if you constantly draw your attention and focus on the good stuff that is going on your life, no matter how little it seems, your life will be transformed beyond your wildest dreams!
0n a detour” -Anon.
The toilet is overflowing! My car wouldn’t start! My computer crashed! The flu just seems to be lingering! The bills, the kids, my husband, the cat, the laundry, the lawsuit....HELP!!!!! Does your life sometimes feel like it is out of control? Do you feel as if there has been a curse placed on you, or that maybe you did something horrific in your past life and it’s payback time!
Well, do not fear, because there is a remedy to your dilemma and it really works. First of all, if 99% of your life seems really pathetic and hopeless, then low and behold, you must have 1% that is going pretty good. That 1% probably doesn’t seem that important because the other 99% is glaring at you and most likely has your full attention. The trick to this helpless situation is to actively focus on the 1% that is positive, and actively ignore the thoughts and situations that may be sinking you into deep despair.
Make a list of all the 1% things that may be going right in your life. Do you have a bed to sleep on tonight? Do you have eyes to read this blog? Do you have ears to listen to music, the wind, or the rain? Do you have friends to call for support? Are your legs or arms working today? Then if you answered “yes” to any of these questions then you really have so much to be grateful for. Focus on the things that are going right and the stuff that seems like really big deals are bound to shrink!
So when you are feeling overwhelmed by “Murphy’s Law” just change your thoughts to the things that are going correct and your outcome will shock you! Thank God for the plumber! Thank God for tow trucks! Amen to the computer technician. Hallelujah for chicken noodle soup, babysitters, and an unexpected checks in the mail! Look for big and small things to become appreciative of, like your toes, cups in the kitchen cupboard, a smile from a stranger, a breeze on your face, a flower on your walk, the moon, the sun, a giggle, or a long deep inhale and exhale. I guarantee that if you constantly draw your attention and focus on the good stuff that is going on your life, no matter how little it seems, your life will be transformed beyond your wildest dreams!
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